Still Alive

- I lost and, subsequently, regained internet. This has given me a lot of time to think.

- I told my Grandfather.

- I went to Part 1 of my "getting professional help" thing, and blew off part 2.

- I am still terrified of going outside, and I absolutely hate being around people- although I'm learning to manage it a little better.

- There are a few exceptions to the 'hate being around people' rule.

- I have discovered that there is no hell. The wages of sin is death.

- I believe in some form of consciousness or "spiritual" survival after death. I think.

- I am not looking forward to Halloween.

- I am looking forward to Christmas.

- I have absolutely no idea who I am, and I'm done pretending otherwise. Things that have always been true are becoming false, falsehoods are becoming truth, and thoughts become things??

- I don't know where I will be living this time next year. That used to be a comfort, I once found delicious freedom in being able to say exactly that. Now? I'm unnerved, and afraid. (And frustrated, sorrowful, and angry.)

- Grandmama's birthday is Sunday. I'm going to church.

- I am not afraid to tell anyone there exactly what I think of them and their thoughts and feelings, should anyone be foolish enough to approach me. I am going to be there for Grandmama, and no one else. I'll try to put off a "don't fuck with me" vibe. I'll be sure to wear jeans... and black. Lots of black.

- Since I watched the 2nd Presidential Debate, I've been engrossed in politics. I haven't watched the first, or the Vice Debate, but I've been obsessively following CNN and FOX... as well as whatever happens to cross my screen here on the intarwebs.

- Politically? I am more excited and terrified than I've ever been in my life. I'm glad I didn't register to vote, I am content to stay out of this one- but I am watching anxiously. The coming years are history in the making...

- There's a lot more I think I want to write about, but it'll have to be later.

- I'm still alive.


(- PS: You're being a bitch.)