I'm Planning a Great Escape...

These walls don't talk,
Even when somebody knocks,
These walls don't stand,
For anyone else but themselves,
These walls don't fall,
Even when gravity's failing us all,

Tell me, tell me a story,
Tell me not to worry, or pick up the phone,
So turning, turning a deaf ear,
So that I don't hear them throwing stone.
(fair to midland - tall tales taste like sour grapes)

I reach out with my senses, and I feel a vast nothingness. A great divide, a canyon of void.
Dancing on the edge of my perception are sparks of energy. The essence of life and all that is.

But where the two meet, the space between... eternity exists in liminality.

There are too many people. Everywhere, really, but specifically- here. I'm beginning to feel crowded and trapped.

I also feel like I'm not in control of myself. My thoughts, my emotions, my behaviors, my words- none of these things are mine. But they must be, because I am me, and I am.

Or am I?

I sometimes hear what sounds like someone saying my name, but from far away- not trying to get my attention or anything, just... saying my name.
Lately, I also seem to be hearing slamming and/or crashing noises from outside that no one else notices.
Hallucination, or keen observation?

Or something else?

I wish I could learn to love myself.